No procedure is so apt to gain a hearing, as not to ask for everything at once. For see after how many praises, after how much preparation he has introduced this great matter. After having said that he is "my son," that he is a partaker of the Gospel, that he is "my bowels," that you receive him back "as a brother," and "hold him as a brother," then he has added "as myself." And Paul was not ashamed to do this. For he who was not ashamed to be called the servant of the faithful, but confesses that he was such, much more would he not refuse this. But what he says is to this effect. If you are of the same mind with me, if you run upon the same terms, if you consider me a friend, receive him as myself.
"If he has wronged you at all." See where and when he has introduced the mention of the injury; last, after having said so many things in his behalf. For since the loss of money is particularly apt to annoy men, that he might not accuse him of this, (for it was most likely that it was spent,) then he brings in this, and says, "If he has wronged you." He does not say, If he has stolen anything; but what? "If he has wronged you." At the same time he both confessed the offense, and not as if it were the offense of a servant, but of a friend against a friend, making use of the expression of "wrong" rather than of theft.
"Put that to mine account," he says, that is, reckon the debt to me, "I will repay it." Then also with that spiritual pleasantry,
"I Paul write it with my own hand." At once movingly and pleasantly; if when Paul did not refuse to execute a bond for him, he should refuse to receive him! This would both shame Philemon into compliance, and bring Onesimus out of trouble. "I write it," he says, "with my own hand." Nothing is more affectionate than these "bowels," nothing more earnest, nothing more zealous. See what great concern he bestows in behalf of one man. "Albeit I do not say to you how you owe unto me even your own self besides." Then that it might not appear insulting to him, whom he requests, if he had not the confidence to ask and obtain in behalf of a theft, he in some measure relieves this, saying, "That I say not unto you how you owe to me even your own self besides." Not only your own things, but yourself also. And this proceeded from love, and was according to the rule of friendship, and was a proof of his great confidence. See how he everywhere provides for both, that he may ask with great security, and that this may not seem a sign of too little confidence in him.
Paul writes at once movingly and with subtle spiritual grace. The idea is that since Paul did not refuse to extend his credit, [how ironic it would be] if Philemon should refuse to receive Onesimus! The mention of this deserved favor would both shame Philemon into compliance and bring Onesimus out of trouble.
I, Paul, have written this with my own hand. I will repay it, not to mention that you owe me your very self." What he says is this: "Whatever Onesimus may have wronged you, I will repay. I, Paul, write this with my own hand. I will not remind you that you owe me your very self. But I say this as speaking to a stranger. Moreover, if I should regain my right due to the message of Christ, which I have preached to you, and you have become a Christian, you owe yourself to me. So if you are mine, and all your possessions are mine: Onesimus also, who is yours, is mine. Therefore, I could use him as my own; but I leave it to your will, so that you may have a reward by forgiving.
Paul says, “I make this promise to you, since you yourself see the abundant rewards that God’s mercy has in store when you exercise goodness toward Onesimus. You ought to think on these things in the light of what you owe to me, though I ought not to refer to it.”
Therefore he says, I, Paul, as if to say, that you might be certain of restitution. I write it with my own hand. And this not out of necessity, because you owe me your very self, because I snatched you from eternal death, and thus he should do this for his liberator. Tobias 9:2: ‘If I should give myself to be your servant, I should not make a worthy return for your care.’
[AD 407] John Chrysostom on Philemon 1:17-19
"If he has wronged you at all." See where and when he has introduced the mention of the injury; last, after having said so many things in his behalf. For since the loss of money is particularly apt to annoy men, that he might not accuse him of this, (for it was most likely that it was spent,) then he brings in this, and says, "If he has wronged you." He does not say, If he has stolen anything; but what? "If he has wronged you." At the same time he both confessed the offense, and not as if it were the offense of a servant, but of a friend against a friend, making use of the expression of "wrong" rather than of theft.
"Put that to mine account," he says, that is, reckon the debt to me, "I will repay it." Then also with that spiritual pleasantry,
"I Paul write it with my own hand." At once movingly and pleasantly; if when Paul did not refuse to execute a bond for him, he should refuse to receive him! This would both shame Philemon into compliance, and bring Onesimus out of trouble. "I write it," he says, "with my own hand." Nothing is more affectionate than these "bowels," nothing more earnest, nothing more zealous. See what great concern he bestows in behalf of one man. "Albeit I do not say to you how you owe unto me even your own self besides." Then that it might not appear insulting to him, whom he requests, if he had not the confidence to ask and obtain in behalf of a theft, he in some measure relieves this, saying, "That I say not unto you how you owe to me even your own self besides." Not only your own things, but yourself also. And this proceeded from love, and was according to the rule of friendship, and was a proof of his great confidence. See how he everywhere provides for both, that he may ask with great security, and that this may not seem a sign of too little confidence in him.