No procedure is so apt to gain a hearing, as not to ask for everything at once. For see after how many praises, after how much preparation he has introduced this great matter. After having said that he is "my son," that he is a partaker of the Gospel, that he is "my bowels," that you receive him back "as a brother," and "hold him as a brother," then he has added "as myself." And Paul was not ashamed to do this. For he who was not ashamed to be called the servant of the faithful, but confesses that he was such, much more would he not refuse this. But what he says is to this effect. If you are of the same mind with me, if you run upon the same terms, if you consider me a friend, receive him as myself.
"If he has wronged you at all." See where and when he has introduced the mention of the injury; last, after having said so many things in his behalf. For since the loss of money is particularly apt to annoy men, that he might not accuse him of this, (for it was most likely that it was spent,) then he brings in this, and says, "If he has wronged you." He does not say, If he has stolen anything; but what? "If he has wronged you." At the same time he both confessed the offense, and not as if it were the offense of a servant, but of a friend against a friend, making use of the expression of "wrong" rather than of theft.
"Put that to mine account," he says, that is, reckon the debt to me, "I will repay it." Then also with that spiritual pleasantry,
"I Paul write it with my own hand." At once movingly and pleasantly; if when Paul did not refuse to execute a bond for him, he should refuse to receive him! This would both shame Philemon into compliance, and bring Onesimus out of trouble. "I write it," he says, "with my own hand." Nothing is more affectionate than these "bowels," nothing more earnest, nothing more zealous. See what great concern he bestows in behalf of one man. "Albeit I do not say to you how you owe unto me even your own self besides." Then that it might not appear insulting to him, whom he requests, if he had not the confidence to ask and obtain in behalf of a theft, he in some measure relieves this, saying, "That I say not unto you how you owe to me even your own self besides." Not only your own things, but yourself also. And this proceeded from love, and was according to the rule of friendship, and was a proof of his great confidence. See how he everywhere provides for both, that he may ask with great security, and that this may not seem a sign of too little confidence in him.
No procedure is so apt to gain a hearing, as not to ask for everything at once. For we see Paul only introduces the heart of the matter after praising Philemon and with much preparation. After having said that Onesimus is “my son,” that he is a partaker of the gospel, that he is “my very heart,” that you receive him back “as a brother” and “regard him as a brother,” then Paul has added “as myself.” And Paul was not ashamed to do this. For he who was not ashamed to be called the servant of the faithful but confesses that he was such, much more would he not refuse this.
"If therefore you have me as a partner, receive him as you would me." Philemon desired to have Paul as a partner, and believing in Christ, he truly wanted to make such progress as to become like Paul, so that he could share his chains with him. Let us consider how much praise Onesimus is given here, how much he is said to have profited: since he must be received in such a way as the Apostle, and so should desire his fellowship, as belonging to Paul. In brief what he says is this: If you want to have me as a partner, have Onesimus also, whom I have as a partner, and my son, whom I have as my own flesh: whom if you do not receive, nor desire to have, you yourself see that you are not able to have me.
Paul argues that what he desires of Philemon is consistent with the shared faith and shared condition of believers. The injunction to receive Onesimus as if he were Paul does not mean Philemon should receive him as an apostle but “as you would personally receive me.”
Therefore, he says, If, therefore, you dost count me as a partner, welcome him. 1 John 1:7: ‘But if we walk in the light as he also is in the light, we have fellowship with one another.’And he says as you would me because he is linked with me. Matthew 10:40: ‘Who receives you, receives me.’
[AD 384] Ambrosiaster on Philemon 1:17