Matthew 10:37

If, therefore, He made them "His mother and His brethren" who were not so, how could He deny them these relationships who really had them? Surely only on the condition of their deserts, and not by any disavowal of His near relatives; teaching them by His own actual example, that "whosoever preferred father or mother or brethren to the Word of God, was not a disciple worthy of Him." Besides, His admission of His mother and His brethren was the more express, from the fact of His unwillingness to acknowledge them. That He adopted others only confirmed those in their relationship to Him whom He refused because of their offence, and for whom He substituted the others, not as being truer relatives, but worthier ones. Finally, it was no great matter if He did prefer to kindred (that) faith which it did not possess.

Now, whether they were baptized in any manner whatever, or whether they continued unbathed to the end-so that even that saying of the Lord touching the "one bath" does, under the person of Peter, merely regard us-still, to determine concerning the salvation of the apostles is audacious enough, because on them the prerogative even of first choice, and thereafter of undivided intimacy, might be able to confer the compendious grace of baptism, seeing they (I think) followed Him who was wont to promise salvation to every believer. "Thy faith," He would say, "hath saved thee; " and, "Thy sins shall be remitted thee," on thy believing, of course, albeit thou be not yet baptized. If that was wanting to the apostles, I know not in the faith of what things it was, that, roused by one word of the Lord, one left the toll-booth behind for ever; another deserted father and ship, and the craft by which he gained his living; a third, who disdained his father's obsequies, fulfilled, before he heard it, that highest precept of the Lord, "He who prefers father or mother to me, is not worthy of me."

For the completeness of so brief a prayer He added-in order that we should supplicate not touching the remitting merely, but touching the entire averting, of acts of guilt" Lead us not into temptation: "that is, suffer us not to be led into it, by him (of course) who tempts; but far be the thought that the Lord should seem to tempt, as if He either were ignorant of the faith of any, or else were eager to overthrow it. Infirmity and malice are characteristics of the devil. For God had commanded even Abraham to make a sacrifice of his son, for the sake not of tempting, but proving, his faith; in order through him to make an example for that precept of His, whereby He was, by and by, to enjoin that he should hold no pledges of affection dearer than God. He Himself, when tempted by the devil, demonstrated who it is that presides over and is the originator of temptation. This passage He confirms by subsequent ones, saying, "Pray that ye be not tempted; " yet they were tempted, (as they showed) by de-setting their Lord, because they had given way rather to sleep than prayer. The final clause, therefore, is consonant, and interprets the sense of "Lead us not into temptation; "for this sense is, "But convey us away from the Evil One."

For He was not able even without flight-a protection so base, and unworthy, and servile-to preserve in persecution such as He knew to be weak! Whereas in fact He does not cherish, but ever rejects the weak, teaching first, not that we are to fly from our persecutors, but rather that we are not to fear them. "Fear not them who are able to kill the body, but are unable to do ought against the soul; but fear Him who can destroy both body and soul in hell." And then what does He allot to the fearful? "He who will value his life more than Me, is not worthy of Me; and he who takes not up his cross and follows Me, cannot be My disciple."

For they who have esteemed domestic affection of relations higher than God, are unworthy to inherit good things to come.

"He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me; and he that loveth son or daughter more than me, is not worthy of me; and he that taketh not his cross and followeth after me, is not worthy of me."

Seest thou a teacher's dignity? Seest thou, how He signifies himself a true Son of Him that begat Him, commanding us to let go all things beneath, and to take in preference the love of Him?

"And why speak I," saith He, "of friends and kinsmen? Even if it be thine own life which thou preferrest to my love, thy place is far from my disciples." What then? Are not these things contrary to the Old Testament? Far from it, rather they are very much in harmony therewith. For there too He commands not only to hate the worshippers of idols, but even to stone them; and in Deuteronomy again, admiring these, He saith, "Who said unto his father, and to his mother, I have not seen thee; neither did he acknowledge his brethren, and his own sons he disowned: he kept Thy oracles." And if Paul gives many directions touching parents, commanding us to obey them in all things, marvel not; for in those things only doth he mean us to obey, as many as do not hinder godliness. For indeed it is a sacred duty to render them all other honors: but when they demand more than is due, one ought not to obey. For this reason Luke saith, "If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple;" not commanding simply to hate them, since this were even quite contrary to the law; but "when one desires to be loved more than I am, hate him in this respect. For this ruins both the beloved himself, and the lover." And these things He said, both to render the children more determined, and to make the fathers more gentle, that would hinder them. For when they saw He had such strength and power as to sever their children from them, they, as attempting things impossible, would even desist. Wherefore also He leaves the fathers, and addresses His discourse to the children, instructing the former not to make the attempt, as attempting things impracticable.

Then lest they should be indignant, or count it hard, see which way He makes His argument tend: in that having said, "Who hateth not father and mother," He adds, "and his own life." For why dost thou speak to me of parents, saith He, and brothers, and sisters, and wife? Nothing is nearer than the life to any man: yet if thou hate not this also, thou must bear in all things the opposite of his lot who loveth me.

Seest thou how justly Christ said, "He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me." For had she kept this law, she would not have transgressed so many laws, she would not have perpetrated this foul murder.

For he had previously said, “I have not come to bring peace but a sword.” He adds that he has divided people against father and mother and relatives, so that no one will place familial loyalty before religion. He says, “He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me.” We also read in the Song of Songs, “He established love in me.” We must preserve this order in all our relations. Love your father, your mother, your sons. If a time comes when love for a parent and for the children of God are in conflict and both cannot be maintained, then forthright rejection of your family may be a higher form of familial loyalty in relation to God.

(Verse 37.) Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. He who had previously stated: I did not come to bring peace, but a sword; and to divide people against father and mother, and mother-in-law, so that no one would put piety before religion, he added, saying, Whoever loves father or mother more than me. And in the Song of Songs we read: Set me as a seal upon your heart (Song 2:4). This order is necessary in every affection. Love after God the Father, love the mother, love the children. But if necessity comes, that the love of parents and children be compared to the love of God, and both cannot be preserved, let there be hatred towards one's own, and devotion towards God. Therefore, he did not forbid loving the father or mother, but specifically added: Whoever loves the father or mother more than me.

Because of what He had said, I am not come to send peace but a sword, &c. that none might suppose that family affection was banished from His religion, He now adds, He that loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me. So in the Song of Songs we read, Order love in me. (c. 2:4.) For this order is needed in every affection; after God love thy father, thy mother, and thy children; but if a necessity should occur that the love of parents and children comes into competition with the love of God, and where both cannot be preserved, remember that hatred of our kindred becomes then love to God. He forbids not to love parent or child, but adds emphatically, more than me.

Let a father say, “Love me.” Let a mother say, “Love me.” To these words I will say, “Be silent.” But isn’t what they are asking for just? Shouldn’t I give back what I have received? The father says, “I fathered you.” The mother says, “I bore you.” The father says, “I educated you.” The mother says, “I fed you.” … Let us answer our father and mother when they justly say “love us.” Let us answer, “I will love you in Christ, not instead of Christ. You will be with me in him, but I will not be with you without him.” “But we don’t care for Christ,” they say. “And I care for Christ more than I care for you. Should I obey the ones who raised me and lose the One who created me?”

But it is fitting to inquire how we are commanded to hate our parents and blood relatives, when we are ordered to love even our enemies? And certainly the Truth says concerning a wife: "What God has joined together, let not man separate." And Paul says: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church." Behold, the disciple preaches that a wife should be loved, while the Master says: "He who does not hate his wife cannot be my disciple." Does the judge announce one thing while the herald proclaims another? Or can we both hate and love at the same time? But if we weigh the force of the precept, we are able to do both through discernment, so that those who are joined to us by kinship of the flesh, and whom we recognize as our neighbors, we may love, and those whom we suffer as adversaries in the way of God we may disregard by hating and fleeing from them. For one who thinks carnally is loved, as it were, through hatred, when he brings wicked things upon us and is not heard. Moreover, so that the Lord might demonstrate that this hatred toward our neighbors does not proceed from lack of affection but from charity, He added immediately, saying: "And his own soul as well." Therefore we are commanded to hate our neighbors, and to hate our own soul. It is clear, then, that one ought to hate his neighbor by loving him, he who hates his neighbor just as he hates himself. For we truly hate our own soul well when we do not yield to its carnal desires, when we break its appetite, when we resist its pleasures. Therefore what is led to better things by being despised is loved, as it were, through hatred. Thus, thus indeed we ought to show the discernment of hatred toward our neighbors, so that we may both love in them what they are, and hold in hatred that by which they obstruct us on our journey to God.

Therefore, from this discernment of our hatred let us draw a pattern for hatred of our neighbor. Let anyone in this world be loved, even an adversary, but let not even a relative be loved who is opposed in the way of God. For whoever now desires eternal things, in the cause of God which he undertakes, must become estranged from father, from mother, from wife, from children, from relatives, from his very self, so that he may know God more truly the more he recognizes no one in God's cause. For the carnal affections greatly buffet the intention of the mind and obscure its vision; yet we do not suffer them as harmful if we hold them in check by suppressing them. Therefore, neighbors are to be loved, charity is to be extended to all, both relatives and strangers, yet for the sake of that same charity we must not be turned aside from love of God.

(Mor. iii. 8.) For the subtle enemy when he sees himself driven out of the hearts of the good, seeks out those who most love them, and speaking by the mouth of those who are dearest, endeavours while the heart is penetrated by love, that the sword of conviction may pierce to the inmost bulwarks of virtue.

He is unworthy of the divine communion who prefers the carnal affection of kindred to the spiritual love of God.

"He that loveth father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me." Do you see when it is that we must hate our parents and children? When they want us to love them more than Christ. And why should I speak of father, mother, and children? Hear what is even greater than this:

(non occ.) It seems to happen in many cases that the parents love the children more than the children love the parents; therefore having taught that His love is to be preferred to the love of parents, as in an ascending scale, He next teaches that it is to be preferred to the love of children, saying, And whoso loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me. Here he shows how they should conduct themselves in that division. If you wish to receive the Lord's sword, it is important that you be separated from those he mentioned. But someone will say: I do not want to be separated from my father and those others; therefore, he says, He who loves father and mother more than me is not worthy of me. The Lord's exhortation is that he be preferred to all familial love: first, he gives the exhortation; secondly, the advantage it brings (v. 40). And he mentions three degrees. For it is natural that a man love his father, but more natural that a father love his son; also it is much more natural that he love himself. Why then does a father love his son more, and not the son love the father more? Some give the reason that the father knows more about the son, if he is a son, than the son about the father. Also, the longer one clings to another, the more firmly established becomes the love. Another reason is that everyone loves himself more than someone else. But a son is a certain part separated from the father, whereas the father is not part of the son. Moreover it is natural for everyone to love what he has produced. But according to some there is a difference, because in some matters the son loves the father more; for the son's descent from the father is by nature, yet the son is by nature subject to the father; therefore, the father naturally loves the son, even a spiritual father, as it says in 1 Corinthians (4:14): "I do not write this to shame you, but to admonish you as my beloved children."

But sons are naturally subject to the father; therefore, they naturally honor the father and become more angry at an injury inflicted on their father than on themselves, and they desire their father's glory more than their own: "The glory of sons is their fathers" (Pr 17:6). Hence he who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, because he is God who must be loved above all else: "I will not show partiality to any person or use flattery toward any man" (Jb 32:21). For God is goodness itself; therefore, he must be loved more. Therefore, he is not worthy of me who loves father or mother more than me. And he who loves son or daughter more than me... Why does a son love his father? Because whatever the son has is from the father, for he has nourishment and teaching from his father. And the son cannot give this to the father; but what the son receives from the father he receives in greater abundance from God. For he also teaches us, as it says in Job (35:11): "Who teaches us more than the beasts of the earth, and makes us wiser than the birds of the air." He also feeds us, as is said of Jacob in Genesis. Again, he preserves us forever. And a man gets this more from God than a son from his father. Therefore, God must always be loved more: "I know that my redeemer lives, and at the last he will raise me from the earth, and I shall again be surrounded by my skin and in my flesh I will see God" (Jb 19:25).

The rivalry between all natural loves and the love of God is something a Christian dare not forget. God is the great Rival, the ultimate object of human jealousy; that beauty, terrible as the Gorgon's, which may at any moment steal from me—or it seems like stealing to me—my wife's or husband's or daughter's heart. The bitterness of some unbelief, though disguised even from those who feel it as anti-clericalism or hatred of superstition, is really due to this.